there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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