Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
