no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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