things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
