Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
