Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
