was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
