Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
