someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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