dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
