epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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