She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
