the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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