the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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