New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
