some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
