dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
