Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i came on her dog
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
