sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
