I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
