He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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