so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
