my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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