your parents love me but you hate me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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