You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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