come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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