Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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