my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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