Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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