Whod you bang
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
