I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
