beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
