girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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