everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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