Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize