he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
