Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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