Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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