Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
