he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
