I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
