I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
