i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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