The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
