Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
