the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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