The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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