My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
