I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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