I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
