dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
