He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
