the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
