Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
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Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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