Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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