If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
