we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just invented taco cereal.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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