you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
