you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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