I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
