Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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