how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
