If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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