Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
