ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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