I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
