just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
