you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
