make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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