the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
